Wednesday 13 September 2017

What Does "The Modern Marriage" Mean To Me

Today I'm having a bit of a hard day.

The rain is relentless, the wind is even worse and financially, well financially we are having a bit of a tough time - so much so that, amongst the endless list of essentials we just don't have in at the minute, there is also zero petrol in the car and that means that on this dreary, horrible day, myself and Willow are house bound.

We may venture out for a little puddle jumping later this afternoon though, just to try to make the most of the day - but rain and howling wind...I mean is that ever going to be a fun combination, no matter how positive I try to be about it...

Anyway, this dark and depressing intro to a post isn't to instil a "woe is me" thought in everyone's minds, it's just to set the scene of today a little bit.

So - with all of this going through my mind this morning, all of the worry and the stress, the only thing that jumped out in one big, huge surge was "Do you know what, I'm still bloody lucky".

My beautiful daughter was sat on my knee giving me cuddles and kisses; my fantastic son gave me a "I'm so grateful" look and a quick "Thanks Mum" when I ushered him and his two friends into the warmth of our house this morning, whilst I pulled on my coat to go and stand in the rain and the wind at the top of our garden, watching out for their school bus coming around the corner just to stop them getting cold and wet through for school; and then my Hubby - my poor doesn't-get-enough-credit Husband - the one who was up and out of the house this morning at 5am after getting a two hour call out at midnight, working his backside off everyday just to keep our heads above water.

Yes, this current sticky situation or not, I am a very lucky lady.

Times are obviously hard sometimes but you have to simply try your best to get through it all don't you, and that's what a marriage is about for me.

Having someone there to listen whilst you moan and vent even if they are having the day from hell themselves.

It's never going to be hearts, flowers, romance and fairy-tales each and every day (but if you have that too - fabulous) and in fact, those things are very rare for us, but it doesn't matter to me at all.

And then this got me to thinking a little bit about marriage in today's society - the whole Modern Marriage concept - it really is a wide and vast thing isn't it.
(almost as wide and vast in fact as reasons Slater & Gordon put across for marriage not working quite so well)

What one person views as their norm, someone else may never experience and nothing is right or wrong at all - there are so many different types of relationships and thankfully, people can (or blooming should be able to) live and love as they choose.

But for us, us here in The Baker Bunch household, what does marriage mean?

Well it's not flowers every Friday evening and it's not having regular, expensive, date nights out (I haven't had an evening away from Willow since she was born yet!) and actually, there was a point in time where we thought we would never even get married at all.

For us, there didn't really seem like any need to do it - what was the point in just signing a piece of paper?

We had been together for lots of years, we had lived together for almost as long, we had the beautiful son, the mortgage and the bills to go with it - what on earth would change with a marriage?

And when I look at it like this I suppose this is quite a modern way to view marriage isn't it, especially when I compare it to how living as a couple was viewed when our Grandparents were young for example.

Times certainly have changed.

But anyway, for whatever reason, one day we decided that we would just book it, just get on with it and get it done - so we did - we were actually going to get married.

However, in true us style, after all the dress shopping and venue booking we still even managed to do something that didn't quite fit to plan - we cancelled the whole lot in favour of a quick flit away to Gretna Green for a secret, don't-tell-anyone-no-guests-allowed-at-all...

...kind of a ceremony and a party a few weeks later.

It was blooming perfect - but perfect for us...
I know just the thought of our style of wedding would horrify some people, but we loved it - we spend a lot of time together at home, just the four of us and we love it and I think our wedding reflected this a little bit.

But I know it wouldn't be perfect for everyone.

My cousin had quite a large, very beautiful and obviously every-little-detail-planned-for type of a wedding a few weekends ago and it was simply amazing.

Very perfect for her and her new Husband.

My Dad has been wed four times, but so what - it took that time for him to meet the very lovely lady he was meant to meet and be with forever.

And isn't that what it is all about in the end - having the day you want, having the marriage that you want and the life afterwards that you want.

I really don't think there is any right or wrong answer when it comes to the Modern Marriage in today's society - the ceremony or the years after it - anything goes really doesn't it.

"It's what comes after that's important"
(my Grandma's always right ya know!)

So if I pop the stress, the worry, the no-bread-or-food-for-tea-in-the-cupboard situation of today aside - Hubby, we really do love ya and we really blooming appreciate all that you do for us.

Well - sometimes you just have to say these things as loudly as possible don't you

* a collaborative post - all words, thoughts & images 100% my own

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